What if People Bought Cars Like They Buy Computers?

 General Motors doesn't have a "help line" for people who don't know how
to drive, because people don't buy cars like they buy computers
 -- but imagine if they did . . .

 HELPLINE: "General Motors HelpLine, how can I help you?"
 CUSTOMER: "I got in my car and closed the door, and nothing happened!"
 HELPLINE: "Did you put the key in the ignition slot and turn it?"
 CUSTOMER: "What's an ignition?"
 HELPLINE: "It's a starter motor that draws current from your battery and
 turns over the engine."
 CUSTOMER: "Ignition? Motor? Battery? Engine? How come I have to know all
 of these technical terms just to use my car?"
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 HELPLINE: "General Motors HelpLine, how can I help you?"
 CUSTOMER: "My car ran fine for a week, and now it won't go anywhere!"
 HELPLINE: "Is the gas tank empty?"
 CUSTOMER: "Huh? How do I know!?"
 HELPLINE: "There's a little gauge on the front panel, with a needle, and
 markings from 'E' to 'F.' Where is the needle pointing?"
 CUSTOMER: "It's pointing to 'E.' What does that mean?" 
 HELPLINE: "It means that you have to visit a gasoline vendor, and purchase
 some more gasoline. You can install it yourself, or pay the vendor to
 install it for you."
 CUSTOMER: "What!?" I paid $12,000. for this car! Now you tell me that I
 have to keep buying more components? I want a car that comes with everything
 built in!"
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 HELPLINE: "General Motors HelpLine, how can I help you?" 
 CUSTOMER: "Your cars suck!"
 HELPLINE: "What's wrong?"
 CUSTOMER: "It crashed, that's what went wrong!" 
 HELPLINE: "What were you doing?"
 CUSTOMER: "I wanted to run faster, so I pushed the accelerator pedal all
 the way to the floor. It worked for a while, and then it crashed -- and now
 it won't start!"
HELPLINE: "It's your responsibility if you misuse the product. What do
you expect us to do about it?"
CUSTOMER: "I want you to send me one of the latest version that doesn't
 crash anymore!"

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 HELPLINE: "General Motors HelpLine, how can I help you?" 
 CUSTOMER: "Hi! I just bought my first car, and I chose your car because it
 has automatic transmission, cruise control,power steering, power brakes,
 and power door locks."
 HELPLINE: "Thanks for buying our car. How can I help you?" 
 CUSTOMER:"How do I work it?"
 HELPLINE: "Do you know how to drive?" 
 CUSTOMER: "Do I know how to what?"
 HELPLINE: "Do you know how to drive?"
 CUSTOMER: "I'm not a technical person! I just want to go places in 
 my car!"