NEW ELEMENT DISCOVERED

Investigators at a major research institute have discovered the
heaviest element known to science. This startling new discovery
has been tentatively named "ADMINISTRATIUM" (Ad)

This new element has no protons or electrons, thus having an atomic
number of ZERO. It does, however, have one neutron, 125 assistant
neutrons, 75 vice neutrons, and 111 assistant vice neutrons, giving
it an atomic mass of 312.
These 312 particles are held together by a force called morons,
which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles
called peons.

Since it has no electrons, Administratium is inert. However,
it can be detected as it impedes every reaction with which it comes
into contact. According to the discoverers, a minute amount of
Administratium causes one reaction to take more than four days to
complete when it would normally take less that one second.

Administratium has a normal half-life of approximately three years.
It does not decay but, instead, undergoes a reorganization in which
a portion of the assistant neutrons, vice neutrons and assistant
vice neutrons exchange places.

In fact, an Administratium sample's mass will actually increase
over time since, with each reorganization, some of the morons
inevitably become neutrons, forming new isotopes.

This characteristic of moron promotion leads some scientists to
speculate that Administratium is formed whenever morons reach a
certain quantity in concentration. This hypothetical quantity is
referred to as "the critical morass".

You will know it when you see it.